Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize