just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
