Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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