Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
