People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
