i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
