Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
