I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
