shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
