what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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