get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
