Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
tell me about the fingering
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