I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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