genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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