Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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