My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
