so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
