His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
