I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
