Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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