This house was built for laser tag.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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