she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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