Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
