wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
