She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
