I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
