they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
