In the future we'll all be gay
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
