the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
