Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
