I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
