If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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