This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
