So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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