i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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