smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
