you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
