and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A+ Viking dick
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
