K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
