eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is Oprah even human
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
