i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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