All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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