Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think people are normalizing furries
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize