Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
