OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
