my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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