I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
