the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
