I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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