No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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