im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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