ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you had me at cake vodka
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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