his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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