His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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