please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
