I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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