I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
