Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
