new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
