his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
