never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
