Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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