Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
