i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Help. Why am I so naked?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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