I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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