i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
